The Beast that is Ham

"Kristin doesn't like ham." I overhear Glenn telling his parents (to me they are the in-laws, not near as scary as the in-law reputation would say they should be... maybe I should tell them to work on that). "She'll be happy to bring another meat option." They discuss for a few moments and come to the conclusion that there will be plenty of other foods for me to choose from come Easter.

Their conclusion is correct.



Ham is around me all the time; at the grocery store, in line at the deli counter, in the creepy guy's sandwich who sat next to me that time I rode the trolley home from work. It's mainly during holidays that my aversion to ham is truly realized, however. There is something about when that whole leg is brought out and the family gathers around that is worse than all the other hamstances combined. Despite my open hatred, I still can't seem to put my finger on what I don't like about it.

In my attempt to be more adventurous, try new and unique things and re-try things I didn't like in the first place, I challenge myself to come up with three valid reasons why ham should be avoided at all costs.



1. The animal it comes from is kind of gross.
Look at that pig. He's no Wilbur. Would you eat him? He doesn't even look like he would taste good. He spends his days rolling around in the mud and grunting. I might as well eat a football player.

2. To make it taste good, all sorts of flavors are smothered on it and inserted into it.
Take the world's most famous ham (no, not Mia, and besides, that's Hamm) for instance - honeybaked. Should it really need to be baked in honey to make me want to eat it? The best roast chicken has nothing more than salt and pepper on the outside!

3. It was the inspiration for spam.
Unless you were born in Honolulu, that stuff should never enter your mouth. Need I say more?

I'm not trying to be a ham-disser, I am genuinely interested in people who love ham and what it is they love about it. So tell me, hammies, what DO you love about it? See if you can win me over... I'm willing to try.